WELCOME ya bastard. Now sit down and read.

So, here's the deal:

This site is made of musings, reviews, shouts, creaks, rabble, babble, rumble and rambles from three permaPine House residents. I personally love these little reviews and I wanted to make sure there was a place that they can sit and twiddle their thumbs in the eternal ether of this gaping black hole we call the internet. However, I didn't want to shell out dime one, so hence the free Blogger site.

The review rules were and are simple:

Watch a movie, the more obscure the better, with a beer or at least some sort of caffeinated beverage. Review said movie.

I love these little rambles and hope to add more in the future. Until then, trusty follower, read and be merry for you are a bastard and that's all there is to it.

Mike

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Ye Olde Bastards Halloween Round Up 2018 (Mike)

A shadowy figure in a hooded cloak moves quietly between the gravestones. A misty slither of fog hangs lightly above the overgrown weeds of the once well-trodden cemetery grounds. The figure stops amidst an above ground tomb. Removing a crowbar from somewhere within the cloak, the figure begins to pry at the ancient, heavy stone slab that lays atop the tomb. With great effort the stone slab begins to slide glacially across the top of the tomb. The innards of the ancient grave are too dark to see within. A withered, broken grin is revealed across the face of the figure in the cloak. He removes a curved silver dagger, gripping it in the hand opposite the torch. Throwing back his head he shouts to the vast vacuumed starlight in a long-dead tongue. Raising the dagger, he plunges it deep into his chest, cackling madly as he moves to set himself ablaze with the torch. A bloodied, cackling, ball of flame collapses upon the lid of the cracked tomb. A thin stream of boiling blood runs from the ...

“Mandy” 2018 (Mike)

So, I finally got around to watching “Mandy”. I left the film thinking it was beautiful and fresh and something pretty new (at least in style). However, like the descent into hell that Nicolas Cage endeavours, the closer you look the more messy it seemed to get. . First impression, this film is metal. as. fuuuuuuuuck. I’ve seen Heavy Metal. I’ve seen Beastmaster. I’ve seen Conan. I’ve seen Valhalla Rising. I’ve seen Faces of Death. But, I don’t think any of those hold a black candle to the fucking way this movie rocks. Forging chrome axes. Hellscapes draped of craggy mountains, backed by twin mooned planets straight off a Yes album cover. Red light that would make Argento blush. You just want to crush beers and finger wicked riffs. You want to fucking slay beasts and busty women alike. I was very impressed how it seemed to just wade in these dark waters so effortlessly. I’ve never totally bought in to the recent Nick Cage fanboy lovefest. However, I thought he played h...

Classic Review: "Naked", 1993/ "After Hours", 1988 (Vince)

Naked", 1993/ "After Hours" 1988 *Originally posted by Vince* I already know no one will watch "Koko: A Talking Gorilla" so I tried to think of a film that someone would actually watch. I recommend 2 films, both of which take place deep into the night & add a certain grimyness to the proceedings. 1) Naked (1993) by Mike Leigh & 2) After Hours (1985) by Martin Scorsese. Both of them are episodic. Both could seem to lack a meaning while watching (or after for that matter). Both deal with sad lonely people. Out of the two, NAKED is the one that will make you feel shitty afterward. I will quote the All Movie Guide as I can't write anything better: "Both hailed and criticized for its bleakness and its basically brutal treatment of women, Naked is an intensely powerful and disturbing motion picture experience. Director Mike Leigh is making a pull-no-punches statement about late 20th century Britain, specifically about the manner in which social syste...

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