"Phantasm", 1979 (Mike)

"Phantasm", 1979

Let's see:

Big Hair and Denim: Check

Massive plotholes as a result of a lost 3 hour print: Check

Gratuitous jam-band sequence: Check

Gratuitous cementary sex scene: Check

Jawa-looking zombie guys: Check

Giant undertaker with his own catchphrase (BWOY!): Check

Floating chrome orb-things that stick themselves in your forehead,
drain you of your blood, spit it out their butts, and, to top it off,
make you pee your pants: Check

Well, goddammit, I must be in 80's-horror-shtick country.

Holy crap, how have I lived a 27 year long existence without seeing
this film?

I won't go into much detail about this thing if you haven't seen it. I
wouldn't want to give away the wholly ridiculous plot twist about the
little Jawa dudes.

Small, Brown, and Low to the Ground.

Watched while consuming: Red Tail Ale

Comments

Ye Olde Bastards Halloween Round Up 2018 (Mike)

A shadowy figure in a hooded cloak moves quietly between the gravestones. A misty slither of fog hangs lightly above the overgrown weeds of the once well-trodden cemetery grounds. The figure stops amidst an above ground tomb. Removing a crowbar from somewhere within the cloak, the figure begins to pry at the ancient, heavy stone slab that lays atop the tomb. With great effort the stone slab begins to slide glacially across the top of the tomb. The innards of the ancient grave are too dark to see within. A withered, broken grin is revealed across the face of the figure in the cloak. He removes a curved silver dagger, gripping it in the hand opposite the torch. Throwing back his head he shouts to the vast vacuumed starlight in a long-dead tongue. Raising the dagger, he plunges it deep into his chest, cackling madly as he moves to set himself ablaze with the torch. A bloodied, cackling, ball of flame collapses upon the lid of the cracked tomb. A thin stream of boiling blood runs from the ...

WELCOME ya bastard. Now sit down and read.

So, here's the deal: This site is made of musings, reviews, shouts, creaks, rabble, babble, rumble and rambles from three permaPine House residents. I personally love these little reviews and I wanted to make sure there was a place that they can sit and twiddle their thumbs in the eternal ether of this gaping black hole we call the internet. However, I didn't want to shell out dime one, so hence the free Blogger site. The review rules were and are simple: Watch a movie, the more obscure the better, with a beer or at least some sort of caffeinated beverage. Review said movie. I love these little rambles and hope to add more in the future. Until then, trusty follower, read and be merry for you are a bastard and that's all there is to it. Mike

Classic Review: "Coraline", 2009 (Brett)

"Coraline", 2009 *Originally posted by Brett* So apparently, Henry Selick is growing tired of goth. After two movies celebrating goth sensibilities with childlike glee, he must have asked himself, "What do I do next?" So Henry, like a true artist, decided to evolve and advance his creative endeavors to a new challenge - the stylistic glamour of EMO! Coraline is actually a pretty damn good movie. The protagonist namesake has mommy/daddy issues, "They don't pay attention to me!" (like a good pre-pubescent emo should). Fortunately for her, she finds a magic hole in the wall that takes her to a world mirroring her own except it's everything she ever hoped for - family love, home cooked meals, and all that bullshit. But is everything as good as it seems?! BWA HAHAHAHAH! *cough* I wouldn't be surprised if Henry Selick was raised on Edward Gorey stories. He definitly can't stay away from the macabre. Add in Neil Gaiman, and a dash of Lewis Caroll,...

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