Ye Olde Bastards Film Emporium and Revue

" Watchmen", 2009 *Originally posted by Brett* Yep, so I watched The Watchmen. HAHA! Get it! Damn, I'm witty. My initial reaction was that the movie is good, but not amazing. Let's use a baseball analogy! The movie was a solid line drive for a double, no RBIs and definitely not a home run. Some scenes worked, and worked really well! ex: Jon's visit to Mars, Antartic Confrontation(s), and anything with Rorschach in it. The film had a good flow - keeping close to the structure of the book. Furthermore, the detail or the care put to the mise-en-scene was awesome! Some scenes didn't work, in fact they were down right awful/awkward. ex: Janey Slater cancer reveal, and Archie sex scene. Furthermore, the choices of popular music used in the film was really bad - too distracting and self-referential. I found myself taken out of the movie whenever they played some awkwardly place song in the soundtrack. Should have just kept to a modest original score, perhaps? Over al...

"Slumdog Millionaire", 2009 *Originally posted by Brett* Alright. So I know I said the next movie I would write about is "Taken." But, damn it, it wasn't playing anywhere I was willing to walk to on a wet Sunday afternoon. So, I figured, might was well go see THE BEST PICTURE of 2008 as voted upon by the illustrious(?) Academy. Now, I read the book that this film was based on about four years ago or so. Title of the book is "Q & A" by Vikas Swarup. The book was average, at best - mostly forgettable. There seemed to be a negative view of gays in the narrative undercurrent (the majority of heels in the book had homosexual tendencies) so I was kind of put off by that. There wasn't much emotional impact nor any reader connection to the characters. Maybe because they are Indian and I'm an ignorant American? As for the movie? Well, they pretty much took the structure and concept from the book, but completely reworked the narrative, which was a go...

"Coraline", 2009 *Originally posted by Brett* So apparently, Henry Selick is growing tired of goth. After two movies celebrating goth sensibilities with childlike glee, he must have asked himself, "What do I do next?" So Henry, like a true artist, decided to evolve and advance his creative endeavors to a new challenge - the stylistic glamour of EMO! Coraline is actually a pretty damn good movie. The protagonist namesake has mommy/daddy issues, "They don't pay attention to me!" (like a good pre-pubescent emo should). Fortunately for her, she finds a magic hole in the wall that takes her to a world mirroring her own except it's everything she ever hoped for - family love, home cooked meals, and all that bullshit. But is everything as good as it seems?! BWA HAHAHAHAH! *cough* I wouldn't be surprised if Henry Selick was raised on Edward Gorey stories. He definitly can't stay away from the macabre. Add in Neil Gaiman, and a dash of Lewis Caroll,...

"Body of Lies", 2008 Leonardo has a bad beard. Russell Crowe is fat. The CIA does some stuff. Mike learns to just say "No' if Mary's mom asks if they want to borrow a movie she rented ("It's intense!") Watched while violently consuming a bottle of sake. Here, this should make up for all this:

Naked", 1993/ "After Hours" 1988 *Originally posted by Vince* I already know no one will watch "Koko: A Talking Gorilla" so I tried to think of a film that someone would actually watch. I recommend 2 films, both of which take place deep into the night & add a certain grimyness to the proceedings. 1) Naked (1993) by Mike Leigh & 2) After Hours (1985) by Martin Scorsese. Both of them are episodic. Both could seem to lack a meaning while watching (or after for that matter). Both deal with sad lonely people. Out of the two, NAKED is the one that will make you feel shitty afterward. I will quote the All Movie Guide as I can't write anything better: "Both hailed and criticized for its bleakness and its basically brutal treatment of women, Naked is an intensely powerful and disturbing motion picture experience. Director Mike Leigh is making a pull-no-punches statement about late 20th century Britain, specifically about the manner in which social syste...

"Ex-Drummer", 2007 *Originally posted by Brett* You know what I like about Belgium? No. Not their beer. Their films! They know how to make fucked up films. It's like the whole country looked at the Takashii Miike's most horrific films and said, "Ah...yes. This man understands life." I've only seen two Belgium films, so, I guess I can't make such larger generalizations about the Belgium film community. But both Man Bites Dog and, now, Ex-Drummer burned their memories into my already unstable psyche that I can't help but assume all Belgiumese are nut cases. Ex-Drummer is about a famous author, though very few characters in the film have ever read his book (let alone picked up a book), who joins a punk band comprised of three "handicapped" men for his own shits and giggles. All three handicappers are the dregs of society so the author believes he will get some writing inspiration from them. In any case, the author ends up using them all an...

"The Serpent and the Rainbow", 1988 Although the title sounds like a bad Aesop's Fable, the film wasn't half bad. Takin' zombies back to their roots, Haiti. We're talking the crazy voodoo mumblin', snake dancin', blood drinkin' Haiti that preys so easily on White Fear (You know, like "Weekend at Bernie's II".) This film continues my belief that Wes Craven loves two things: Dreams and being mean to the penis. One only has to see the oh-so-wonderful blowjob scene in "Last House on the Left" to see where Mr. Craven's hate for the penis began. Now, with this movie, he started bullying around that poor penis again. Poor penis. Poor, poor Bill Pullman penis. The movie was a great, more realistic vision of zombification, except for the whole Bill-Pullman-has-a-leopard-sou l finale. Watched while consuming: Pabst Blue Ribbon *Bonus: On my continuing saga to catch up with all iconic films of the 80's, I also watched "Fri...

"Phantasm", 1979 Let's see: Big Hair and Denim: Check Massive plotholes as a result of a lost 3 hour print: Check Gratuitous jam-band sequence: Check Gratuitous cementary sex scene: Check Jawa-looking zombie guys: Check Giant undertaker with his own catchphrase (BWOY!): Check Floating chrome orb-things that stick themselves in your forehead, drain you of your blood, spit it out their butts, and, to top it off, make you pee your pants: Check Well, goddammit, I must be in 80's-horror-shtick country. Holy crap, how have I lived a 27 year long existence without seeing this film? I won't go into much detail about this thing if you haven't seen it. I wouldn't want to give away the wholly ridiculous plot twist about the little Jawa dudes. Small, Brown, and Low to the Ground. Watched while consuming: Red Tail Ale

"Ace in the Hole", 1951 No, my first film is not gay porn starring some guy named Ace. Billy Wilder. Kurt Douglas plays an ego-maniacal newspaper reporter that "discovers" a human-interest story with some guy who is stuck in a collapsed mine. Good ol' Kurt decides to keep the guy in the hole so he can create more hype around the story. Off the wall and a great comment on even today's media-crazed world. Try it out and let me know. Film was watched consuming the wonderful El Toro Golden Ale. Originally written March 14th, 2009

So, here's the deal: This site is made of musings, reviews, shouts, creaks, rabble, babble, rumble and rambles from three permaPine House residents. I personally love these little reviews and I wanted to make sure there was a place that they can sit and twiddle their thumbs in the eternal ether of this gaping black hole we call the internet. However, I didn't want to shell out dime one, so hence the free Blogger site. The review rules were and are simple: Watch a movie, the more obscure the better, with a beer or at least some sort of caffeinated beverage. Review said movie. I love these little rambles and hope to add more in the future. Until then, trusty follower, read and be merry for you are a bastard and that's all there is to it. Mike