Ye Olde Bastards Film Emporium and Revue

"Ex-Drummer", 2007 *Originally posted by Brett* You know what I like about Belgium? No. Not their beer. Their films! They know how to make fucked up films. It's like the whole country looked at the Takashii Miike's most horrific films and said, "Ah...yes. This man understands life." I've only seen two Belgium films, so, I guess I can't make such larger generalizations about the Belgium film community. But both Man Bites Dog and, now, Ex-Drummer burned their memories into my already unstable psyche that I can't help but assume all Belgiumese are nut cases. Ex-Drummer is about a famous author, though very few characters in the film have ever read his book (let alone picked up a book), who joins a punk band comprised of three "handicapped" men for his own shits and giggles. All three handicappers are the dregs of society so the author believes he will get some writing inspiration from them. In any case, the author ends up using them all an...

"The Serpent and the Rainbow", 1988 Although the title sounds like a bad Aesop's Fable, the film wasn't half bad. Takin' zombies back to their roots, Haiti. We're talking the crazy voodoo mumblin', snake dancin', blood drinkin' Haiti that preys so easily on White Fear (You know, like "Weekend at Bernie's II".) This film continues my belief that Wes Craven loves two things: Dreams and being mean to the penis. One only has to see the oh-so-wonderful blowjob scene in "Last House on the Left" to see where Mr. Craven's hate for the penis began. Now, with this movie, he started bullying around that poor penis again. Poor penis. Poor, poor Bill Pullman penis. The movie was a great, more realistic vision of zombification, except for the whole Bill-Pullman-has-a-leopard-sou l finale. Watched while consuming: Pabst Blue Ribbon *Bonus: On my continuing saga to catch up with all iconic films of the 80's, I also watched "Fri...

"Phantasm", 1979 Let's see: Big Hair and Denim: Check Massive plotholes as a result of a lost 3 hour print: Check Gratuitous jam-band sequence: Check Gratuitous cementary sex scene: Check Jawa-looking zombie guys: Check Giant undertaker with his own catchphrase (BWOY!): Check Floating chrome orb-things that stick themselves in your forehead, drain you of your blood, spit it out their butts, and, to top it off, make you pee your pants: Check Well, goddammit, I must be in 80's-horror-shtick country. Holy crap, how have I lived a 27 year long existence without seeing this film? I won't go into much detail about this thing if you haven't seen it. I wouldn't want to give away the wholly ridiculous plot twist about the little Jawa dudes. Small, Brown, and Low to the Ground. Watched while consuming: Red Tail Ale

"Ace in the Hole", 1951 No, my first film is not gay porn starring some guy named Ace. Billy Wilder. Kurt Douglas plays an ego-maniacal newspaper reporter that "discovers" a human-interest story with some guy who is stuck in a collapsed mine. Good ol' Kurt decides to keep the guy in the hole so he can create more hype around the story. Off the wall and a great comment on even today's media-crazed world. Try it out and let me know. Film was watched consuming the wonderful El Toro Golden Ale. Originally written March 14th, 2009

So, here's the deal: This site is made of musings, reviews, shouts, creaks, rabble, babble, rumble and rambles from three permaPine House residents. I personally love these little reviews and I wanted to make sure there was a place that they can sit and twiddle their thumbs in the eternal ether of this gaping black hole we call the internet. However, I didn't want to shell out dime one, so hence the free Blogger site. The review rules were and are simple: Watch a movie, the more obscure the better, with a beer or at least some sort of caffeinated beverage. Review said movie. I love these little rambles and hope to add more in the future. Until then, trusty follower, read and be merry for you are a bastard and that's all there is to it. Mike